This week was about identity in the context of ‚Healing the fractured soul, the wounded spirit.’ It was intense! And quite uncomfortable at times because it got so personal and yet it was sooo good. There are two things in particular that God really pointed out to me this week.
1. a lot of the insecurity, uncertainty and confusion during the past months and years particularly in regards to my calling had to do with me being in conflict with my own identity. Unconsciously I simply couldn’t or wouldn’t accept my giftings and thus my calling, who I am.
2. without knowing it, I had transferred my experiences/disappointments with people and especially with spiritual leadership onto God. This left me believing I couldn’t trust God.
And it’s been these two things that have been holding me back all this time, because God in his infinite mercy, put his plans with and for me on hold for as long as necessary. Because He ALWAYS cares more about us and our hearts, than he does about a ministry.
A very big part of my identity is the gift to love people unconditional and selfishly. To love them as they are, no strings attached and regardless of whether they love me in return or not. This may sound great in theory, but in reality it can cause a lot of hurt and heartache. Which is why it was one of my main issues with my identity, something I’ve tried to deny for years – as a result I ended up pushing people away instead of loving them, shutting them out instead of embracing them.
For this I want to sincerely ask your forgiveness. I don’t want to hide any longer, but rather stand for who I am and for all the gifts, big and small, that God has given me. Cause this is the crucial point in all this – it is God who gives those gifts – so that I (we) may use them to bring Him glory.
In His infinite and unconditional love
Hanna
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