about my summer...

As some of you may already know I was not doing well at all during this summer – emotionally but mainly spiritually. For the longest time I myself had no idea what really was the matter with me.

All in all I guess it was a bunch of things coming together. For one thing I believe that a part of it was a delayed response to things that happened during the counseling school. You know where I had dealt with things in my life, my past and where the enemy was now putting up a real fight for it. Of course, it didn’t help either that I left Switzerland with no idea of what to do or where to go from there, for the one thing I truly felt and believed I was supposed to be doing I was denied. I was completely lost. Another part of it was me beginning to deal with some of my experiences in Thailand on a deeper level. You know, where at the time I had been simply too close to the situation to really be able to deal with them properly.
I don’t know I had just become so tired of it all, I was tired of my life, my ministry (not the ministry itself – more with the fact that there was so little happening), my church + church in general and I had become tired of God, or to be more accurate I had become tired of waiting on God, of having to learn everything the hard way. ;-)

I guess, it was a process that had started a long time ago and it had been bubbling underneath the surface for quite awhile and now it was finally surfacing. Throughout the entire summer I was seriously doubting and questioning everything, most of all God and my belief, my trust in Him.

But what can I say? God simply wouldn’t let me go… He never gave up on me. He reminded me again and again that it was He who called me that He has good and great plans for me, plans that no one else could ever fulfill the way I can. Around my birthday I came to realize more and more that God was waiting for me to make a decision.
Was I willing to once more place everything on one card and trust Him blindly and 200%. To set aside all the unanswered questions and insecurities and to simply stand on His Word, His words and promises to me and all the good years I have already had with Him.

I heard someone say once that sometimes when everything is taken and stripped away all that is left to do is to believe. Well, I have made my choice and I said YES! Yes, I want to take the chance, the risk. I want to believe and once again put all my trust in God, in Jesus!

By now a month has passed since the day I said YES and I have been getting gradually better. And I don't only mean somewhat better, but actually good or more than good!

Soli Deo Gloria,
Hanna